Making Your Partner Jump Through Hoops and Hurdles

by Richsadler
in blog
Comments are off for this post.

Making Your Partner Jump Through Hoops and Hurdles

They contact you throughout the week, asking you how you are doing. You keep the texts short – once again, you’re busy bossing it up, plus wtf really likes to text too much to a stranger you’ve never met before? The last thing you want is to have spent hours of your day/week texting some dude who turns out to be twenty years older than his pictures show or you end up having ZERO in-person chemistry with. But, you’re a lady and you *almost* always respond and are always friendly. Then, the morning comes – he invited you to coffee on a Sunday morning. You both plan on meeting at ten at a local coffee shop. You wake up early, well, earlier than you would have for a Sunday, quickly groom yourself and even put on eyeliner and eyeshadow. That’s right, thirty years old and waking up on a Sunday and putting on friend finder This never happens. You even round-brushed your hair so that you didn’t look like a teenager who just rolled out of bed. This takes effort, people. Unsure of how the day will unfold, you put on the most appropriate attire you can think of for a first, casual coffee date – jeans and a light sweater. But don’t worry, the sweater is white and you’ve got a hot pink bra underneath just to show that you’re not a total prude – okay, so it was actually the only one you had clean, but how would he know!?

You drive over there, a little early, but you’re tired from your workweek and need to get a little caffeine in your bloodstream before you can manage an intellectual conversation. You get to the predetermined coffee spot, order your tasty, caffeinated beverage, and wait. Ten o’clock comes by; you have a feeling but choose not to listen to it. Five after quickly comes, then ten after, and finally a quarter after. You’re a solid, confident, and independent woman, so you have respect for yourself, which means that you don’t wait any longer than fifteen minutes for someone, especially a first Tinder date. We’ve all been there – we got stood up. But, we’re thirty years old now, confident and sure of ourselves. We’re not our twenty-something younger selves who over-personalize everything. We know our worth. That all being said, for those of you who are still a little unsure of yourselves, or don’t know how to handle something like this, here’s why I absolutely *love*, no sarcasm, being stood up. It shows you everything you need to know about the person within fifteen minutes.

Think about it. You gave this new person a chance. They have your phone number, and so they knew that they scheduled a date with you – they asked! And then, they stood you up. They didn’t even have the courtesy to call or send a text. This shows that they not only don’t respect your time, but they have poor communication skills, and they’re not actually looking for anything serious, no matter what their profile says. They Didn’t Call or Text Calling to say that they can’t make it at least demonstrates they value your time – and hopefully, they’ll ask to reschedule. A text does the same thing, but either shows that they’re too scared or introverted to call and say that they can’t make it, or they’re possibly hiding something. A call definitely shows that they care about you, value your time and you can also listen to the tone of their voice to know whether or not they’re being sincere or are hung over or with friends. When someone doesn’t even bother to call or text you, then they either forgot that they committed in the first place, or they simply don’t care. Either way, that’s a person that I don’t want to continue getting to know. Communication We all know that good communication is key to creating trusting and healthy interpersonal relationships. This is one of the main failures of relationships, according to PsychologyToday. So, if someone doesn’t let you know that they’re not going to be able to meet up for something that they originally committed to, and even worse initiated, then this is the first of many communication issues to come.

that is your very first impression of this person outside of messaging on Tinder or via text. If they don’t have the common decency to let you know that they’re not going to be able to meet up for a coffee date, then what else are they going to bail on? Committment A man who is looking for a serious relationship values commitment, and asking a woman out on a date and setting a time and place is a commitment. It doesn’t matter if you met someone on Tinder, OKCupid, eHarmony, or at a bar, if they no-show for a date with you, then they don’t value commitment, or at least not with you. Period. Sorry, I know that’s blunt, but it’s true. Sure, maybe their grandma died, or they were in a serious car accident, but that rarely is ever the Summary This was really only fifteen minutes of my life that I spent waiting to get to know someone better.

Love is a Battlefield.

And even though I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to go on a date with him, his lack of communication and complete disrespect for my time made the decision SO much easier for me. Now, I haven’t wasted weeks, if not months or even years with someone who wasn’t even that interested in me in the first place, or at the very least that interested in having a serious relationship, which my profile states. I’m very upfront and have no time to waste – I’m a small business owner who is expanding and don’t want to play games with someone or spend my very limited and valuable time waiting on someone who is never going to show. So, ladies, do you. Don’t wait for anyone.

Give someone fifteen minutes – if they don’t call, text, or show up – leave. Value yourself. You deserve someone who is going to show up for you; not someone who is going to make you wait or guess what they are thinking or feeling. Be empowered, focus on yourself, and good things will come. As for me, I’m going to finish cleaning my apartment, thanks to the endocrine-disrupting coconut milk latte from Starbucks, and boss up the rest of my day. I haven’t messaged him yet – and he hasn’t messaged me yet – and I’m not sure if I will. I’m trying to keep my sarcastic nature at bay, but f*** it, I might just show him my true colors. I’d love to hear about your stood-up stories in the comments! How did you respond, or did you? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook29Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: For Women Tagged in: Dating, no-show, self-respect, stood up, tinder Orbiter: the guy who cycles in and out of your life, usually for a need (physical, emotional, or mental), attention, or an ego boost. He gets his fill and then departs until he returns to ‘orbit.’ The preceding formal definition of orbiter may give some light yet not truly enlighten those with the natural legislation of orbiting. So read closely, scientist. Law of Cycling There’s a certain set time period of rotation. And usually, it’s the result of a fixed behavioral pattern. Maybe, he consistently returns every 5 weeks, every 3 months, every 2nd Friday night at 12 a.m., or every time you have a new beau. Case is that he returns when all’s been too still and too temperate. He comes at his earliest convenience and for the best circumstance. He’s either really needy, lonely, or fresh out of options. Alternatively, he’s either too carefree, loner-like, or surrounded with options. Why He Retracts Naturally, when he’s orbiting, he will instinctively pull away. This can come in the form of ghosting or bread-crumbing. Bare minimum. Or if he’s really sophisticated, he’ll only make strides in the big-impossible-to-miss events of your life. He takes the form of a quasi FWB. He’s your temporary BF without the label.

He’s the BF for the night. For any particular one wedding. Talking about your problems. For showing up to that one work thing. He’s friend with some Benefit, without the label. Sometimes it’s physical (a happy accident) but it may be emotional (that shoulder to cry on). He’s validated either way. When He Gravitates (You Sit Still) The worst thing you can do is jump at the moment he returns in orbit. You have to put a ton of barriers (your schedule, other priorities, other romantic options, and general well-being) in front of him before he can enter your space again. That is- if you still want to see him. How To Halt If you don’t want to see him…Well, that’s another thing.

One, you can deliberately scare him away by demanding even more stringently commitment-like actions. Two, cut contact. Going cold turkey on someone of this type though may backfire because that’s how the orbiter operates. Orbiters ignore and go cold on someone all the time; yet to them, it translates as simply a temporary escape. The subtlest and arguably most effective approach is to do nothing at all and treat him like an “old, revered colleague.” Be respectful and polite. Value what you did have with him, but don’t make him accountable or responsible for anything- involving your happiness. Say what!? Why would you treat your classmate like that? Exactly. You wouldn’t. Understanding the Main Attraction There is more than one form of orbiter.

All shapes and metallic sizes. With different gadgets and functions. Maybe he’s dislodged in space because well, he really truthfully isn’t ready for a relationship and he could be a good person (he’s just not available). The other orbiter is just the good ol’fashioned “I-just-want-an-ego-boost” and nothing else. And the other one is someone who’s hungry for validation to fill a void. The list isn’t very pretty, ladies. You ARE the center of their orbit after all. They are attracted to what they know they can’t have. And the Blackhole Now, let’s say there is any particular one exception of a guy…And he orbits and orbits into your life and never leaves! That’s where it can get very dark and lonely.

And twisted and maybe slightly S&M. But the right guy might be worth waiting for. But it will have to take something uber powerful to combat the obvious blackhole that awaits.

The Realities of Online Dating

That will suck all your time, energy, and effort into a anti-climatic abyss. Is that near impossible? Yes. Impossible? No. Just…something that ripples through an entire system, to have the orbiter and orbitee, come together. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, For Women, Tips & Advice As a guy, it is almost impossible to shop for a woman who isn’t your mother and that is only because your mother will never break her child’s heart. Men always seem to forget that women are sentimental beings and that most times, this emotional thing really does count. Here are a few tips to help ease your struggle as you go looking for a perfect gift for your lady.

Pay attention to what she’s saying: Most women will always start hinting at what they want long before the actual gift giving occasion. The problem is that most men ignore it immediately the woman starts talking about that adorable polka dot… and so forth. The words that complete that dotted line may just be your ticket out of a lot grueling gift related issues that DON’T count. Clothes and outfits: If you are considering getting her an outfit, you might want to rethink that idea. You might end up buying an outfit a size too big, which by woman reasoning is an implication that you think she’s fat. If it’s a size too small, it’s means that you want to slim down. We all know that will not end well for you. However, in the eventuality that you have your mind set on an outfit, make sure you get a female friend’s opinion before its purchase. It’s the thought that counts: There is a disclaimer to this: do not stray too far from the comfort zone. Buy her chocolates, but let them be Swiss.

Don’t just wrap the gift in normal gift wrapping; put the gift in a paper bag printed in Australia. In short, do something small but memorable. Nevertheless, remember not to set the bar too high for the sake of your next gift giving. The actual gift giving: This is probably the part where most men have an epic fail. After identifying your gift and having it pass all the necessary vetting, you can’t just shove it in her face. You could call it a surprise, but like all things, a surprise can also be bad. Choose an appropriate time and present it to her. Again you need to be thoughtful on this aspect – let it be in a setting that she might have mentioned earlier. Again, women tend to describe their idea of just the right moment subconsciously and you need to be keen so that you don’t miss it. Now stop stressing yourself, it’s never that serious! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: For Men, Tips & Advice Yes, stuffing your face with truck loads of doughnuts will send the faint of heart male wind sprinting the other way… Looking to screw up your third date, your marriage or your long-term relationship? It’s actually considerably easier than you might think. If you’d like to toss your loving relationship aside for a week’s worth of nights crying over a box of wine at your sister’s place, here are five quick tips to lose the love of your life in ten days flat!

1. Say I enjoy You as Soon as Possible Maybe it’s too late to say it on the first or second date, but as long as it’s been less than a month, there’s still time to scare your man away by saying “I Love You.” Practice it in the mirror and say it in your head over and over again to make sure that you’ve got the tone right. If it sounds like you’re just playing around, he might not be scared enough to run. 2. Figure Out His Passwords Get into his emails and Facebook account and send every woman on his contacts list — friends, co-workers and exes — threatening messages saying they better back off of your man. Don’t wait for your guy to confront you about this; rather, ambush him the next time you see him and demand to know who those floozies are. After the break-up ensues, keep leaving voicemails and texts telling him that he better answer you, or he might think he overreacted and give you another chance — what a waste of time it would have been. 3. Never, Ever Stop referring to Your Old Boyfriends Even if you’ve been married for ten years, it’s never too late to start making positive and negative comparisons between your man and the last one; and to never, ever stop. “Jake didn’t mind doing the dishes once in a while!” “Jerry was such a workaholic!” “Drew was a lot taller than you.” Either he’ll leave, or you’ll make both of your lives miserable with the constant nagging, and isn’t that what we really want at the end of the day? 4. Loan or Borrow a Big Amount of Money on the First Date If you see a lending site like DriveTime while snooping through his Internet history, be sure to confront him with this information and demand that he borrow money from you instead. Now, this is just the setup, because you have to follow this up by asking him where that money is the very next day, and the day after, and the day after, and so on and so forth. Alternately, borrow some money from him, at least a few hundred bucks, and stash it away somewhere.

Stop returning his calls so he thinks he’s been scammed. Either way, you’ve created not only a bad social position, but a bad financial situation as well. Congratulations. 5. Play Very Hard to Get Early on in the relationship, it may be true that men like the idea of having to work for it a little, but never returning his calls, biting your tongue so as not to laugh at his jokes and kissing other men in front of him doesn’t say “Come and get me,” it says “I’m not interested.” Make sure he never catches on that you actually like him, or he might just give you a call for a follow-up date. In all seriousness, it’s not so hard to make sure your relationship is in good shape for the year ahead, just show a little compassion and respect and don’t do anything listed above. Mark Donovan Mark is a people person and everyone’s best man. He’s been the matchmaker for all of his buddies and knows the secrets to having a long and lasting relationship. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin7 Posted in: Asides, Dates & Details, Tips & Advice “Mom, Dad, I need to you do me a favor. I need you to start living as if I’m never going to get married. I need you to stop thinking about me having kids, okay?

I’d rather be single forever than marry someone just to get married. I’d rather be single my whole life than settling for someone just so I’m not alone.” I grew up in a pretty conservative family. My dad literally asked my guy friends at our college graduation when they were going to get married. Embarrassing much? So it should come as no surprise to you that I loved being in love starting at an early age. And it should come as no surprise that the words I spoke to my parents at age 27 (above) broke their hearts. At the time those words were spoken it was almost two years after my engagement had gone awry. And it was those words that literally helped me become irresistible to most men and helped me be the happiest single woman EVER. I want to explain.

What I didn’t realize as I spoke those words is that I finally took all the pressure off myself. I made it my goal to produce every day as fun as I possibly could as a single woman. And even when I dated, if I knew he wasn’t the one, I’d have as much fun getting to know this strange man because we were together! And when I got sick of not finding the one, I’d stop dating and go back to enjoying my freaking life! WHO CARES if the guy I was on a date with had bad body odor. What things could I LEARN from this stinky man? Who cares if this guy only ever wanted to meet for drinks. What were their good qualities? What DID I like about them? What could I learn about MYSELF. There was a point in time where I just became FINE with who I was, fine with where I was at, and fine with having no clue where I was going with the ultimate goal of just having FUN.

NO MOMENT was spent unhappy. I worked tirelessly on learning about what ACTUALLY makes relationships last instead of what the movies and our fake friends make us believe. And you know what? I took it one step further. I wasn’t just fine with who I was, I fucking LOVED who I was. And god help anyone that didn’t. The moment I realized I was (and AM) the love of my life and started living life that way, I became irresistible to a lot of people. Not only that! I had more fun than I ever imagined. The year I spoke those words I became brave enough to be REAL about my own issues and work through them. I embraced all my imperfections and owned them in front of my dates! And that helped most of them own theirs in front of me. There is something so refreshing about just enjoying someone’s presence in all their imperfect glory and just laugh with each other about it.

I got a tattoo, I went skydiving, took a trip by myself, got “ballsy” at work, and learned to enjoy every moment… ALONE. So for all the single people in the world. This year as you make your plans for New Years Eve (if you don’t have any go make some fucking awesome plans, people) realize that you already have the LOVE of your life in your life – YOU. Make a pact to make something out of this time you have. Do things you love, treat yourself, while making a fucking effort to enjoy EVERY person you meet no matter how strange they may seem. Listen to your gut more, keep your ego in check, while making every moment count. Don’t have anyone to kiss this new years eve? GOOD, suck it to the man! You still have you.

And YOU are FUCKING AMAZING. “Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and never be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.

Share this article

Comments are closed.